We are always searching for new fangled ways to make our lives easier. We have all the cool gadgets that do things quickly and efficiently so we don't have to trouble ourselves. We've got an attitude in America to get what you want as fast as you can with as little trouble as possible. I guess you would call this minimalism. Do the least you can do to get by with the greatest satisfaction. In all this simplifying I feel as though we've gotten ourselves into a rut that seems to me a bit irreversible. I am not blaming anyone at all because I am completely guilty of this. For example, I am completely reliant on things that didn't even exist not very long ago. I feel lost without my cell phone, my computer holds most of my life on it (pictures, videos, social life even), I have a microwave to zap my food like magic so I can quickly prepare it, I have a washer and dryer to do the work for me so I don't have to scrub my clothes clean and wait for them to dry, I have pluming that takes care of all that "stuff." I think about all this and it's pretty crazy because I don't know how any of these things work. I completely rely on them and have faith in them working, and when they don't work I would feel pretty lost and angry. I don't know the inner complexities of computers, cell phones, and indoor pluming! Who does? Except or course experts in these fields. Yet, I expect these things to work and to take care of my needs. We have a lot of faith in THINGS. And this is not bad because these THINGS are great blessings in our lives. However, I wonder, and i'm tempted to put my faith in these things and let this be the END. These things are all material and complex things I might add. Probably every American puts faith in the fact that their phone, computer, washer, drier, and toilet/running water is going to work. They dont need to understand how it works, the fact is, they have faith that they WILL WORK. I relate it to faith (I bet your not surprised, haha). I don't know how God works, or why he does the things he does most of the time. I don't need to know the metaphysical reality of his existence and the cosmos or whatever. I just know he exists because of my faith and I can rely on this with my life. Unlike material things he wont break or pass away so this is really the only thing that matters in life. Where in the world am I going with all of this? I think i know where I'm going, so bear with me a little more. (haha forgive me for my jumbled, emotional way of expressing myself but this is how God made me).
I rely and have faith in so many things and these things are all gifts and blessings that the Lord places in my life. I don't know why I have been blessed with all I have, and I know that I did nothing to deserve any of it, all I know is that his grace and blessings do not have bounderies and I just have to trust in this and be grateful for all that I do have. He created me, he created us and because of this we have a natural built in yearning for something and that is God. I THINK we are constantly tempted to fill that with STUFF and materials and easy fixes that we think will make our lives easier, fuller and happier. I struggle with this and I know that I have faith in God (but I am realizing where I have more and more lack of faith and room to grow). In thinking that we are making our lives easier by chasing after all the new ways that claim to make life easier, we are constantly filling our life with more and more stuff that is not the Lord and it makes life more complex. I am tempted to be more complex and less simple.
If we think about God, he is constantly pointing towards simplicity: He was born a baby in a dingy barn and laid in a trough out of where barnyard animals eat, and didnt have any clothing to wear (SIMPLICITY). Babies today have their rooms set up before they are born and have more clothing, blankets and equipment that all cost a lot of money (COMPLEXITY). Our God chooses (in infinite wisdom, mind you) to be born in the most natural and ordinary of ways under the beating heart of a young woman (SIMPLICITY). Some Americans believe life is a choice and a right rather than a gift or a blessing. If we feel like we want to (choose) to have a baby we will take lots of different ways to attain that and that is our RIGHT as free American people. There is a slew of very complicated ways in which people attain or AVOID life. These are just some immediate examples that come to mind! Oh yes, and the simplicity of my own personal Catholic faith. That the Lord chooses to come to his people in simple bread and wine. I find myself trying to understand the complexity of thise, when really, it doesnt get any more simpler! Simplicity is what my heart longs for lately and I don't know how to break out of complexities. I don't think I'm called to live life as a cloistered nun (obviously I know that is not my vocation, but I am seeing so much how people can be called to this vocation). There are people on this earth that pray for the world non stop, and I am pretty convinced, without such people, we would have all self destructed my now. I am just recognizing in this blog that my heartt just yearns for simplicity and I get easily discouraged by the complexities of life.
I will end with a quick note to relate this to my SAH mothering series. I look into the face of my baby and there is nothing more simple than this. Nothing is complex about his little life right now. I simply love him for who he is, even though he did nothing to deserve it. He is alive, he is my child, and I know this needs no explanation. He feels secure and loves me and Tom and that too is a very simple thing that requires so explanation. I also know that in all of this simplicity there is a profound beauty and peace. Simplicity gives way to peace and complexity gives way to a sort of chaos. I think about all this and I realize how more and more people struggle with depression and do not value life. Life is SIMPLY gift and beautiful and I pray that we have clarity to see this more and more.
Again I just remind my readers that this is just a reflection and is never intended to point the finger at anyone. I am just a Catholic American woman reflecting on whats been on my mind and heart! Thank you for reading! Again, please feel free to share your thoughts, questions and comments.
My wife is a genius!!! But seriously...no way, I was serious, I'm also serious about this comment...ok here we go. I think one thing that's important to point out in my wife's incredible reflection is that the closer you get to God the more simple he becomes. Yes God is an infinite mystery of Love, however his simplicity rests in that very reality of love. The Love between the Father, Son, and Spirit is ultimate SIMPLE love, b/c it he infinite total self-giving. There's nothing to it but it itself. Let me say it again. There is nothing to the love b/t the Trinity except that love in its purest form. As we approach the simplicity of God we begin to BEHOLD the mystery of his pure love. Sweeeeeeeet.
ReplyDeleteDearest Natalie,
ReplyDeleteThanks again for being willing to bear your heart. Please know that I am thankful for this online social interaction! While the vector of the computer may be complex, I am grateful for the simple thing it bears; good conversation between friends. My apologies in advance, I think this is gonna be another long response :)
I'd like to respond to your comment about children being gifts, not rights. For a minute I thought I was reading something I'd written because I've used this phrase countless times. I see examples of this all the time where I work. Just as you mentioned, I am not judging or pointing the finger at anyone (God knows I've got enough going on to point the finger at myself for ), I'm just reflecting on the things that I've seen.
So I've recently blogged about birth control because for me it's been an area in which I've been attacked recently. One thing that's come to the forefront of my mind is how it's one of those things in life that's advertised to add simplicity, i.e. just take a pill and don't worry about getting pregnant, but in reality ends up causing quite a bit of complexity.
Over my very meager 3 years of being a nurse, I've seen countless families who have used birth control to "simplify" their lives, only to find that when they want to have a family, they've complicated the process for themselves. They've waited to start a family at a later age, which in turn can cause complications such as preterm birth. Now instead of taking a newborn home from the hospital, they have a lengthy hospital stay with a child that is not so healthy. Let me also clarify that I am NOT saying that these families deserve what they are going through. It breaks my heart all the same. I am also not saying it is the cause of all preterm births (in fact we often do not know what causes it). What I am saying though, is that I believe a great deal of these cases are rooted in some practices of modern medicine.
I've seen birth control use all but completely damage a young woman's fertility, thus causing her to seek methods such as in-vitro fertilization etc. out of desperation to start a family. This is where people start to view parenthood as a right and their child as a possession, rather than the privilege and gift it truly is. This point of view (in my opinion) causes people to make some pretty selfish decisions. They implant themselves with multiple embryos, putting their children at risk to the complications of preterm birth. Once their children experience some of those complications, they push to sustain the life of the child at all costs. Oftentimes causing much suffering in the process. In fact, research has linked the use of certain fertility drugs with childhood leukemia. It is not the cause in every case, but its incidence is on the rise.
I always thought naively that selfishness with regard to pro-life issues showed itself best in abortion cases. The truth is though, that there is quite a bit of selfishness on the other end of the spectrum. Life should not be treated as something disposable (as in the case of abortion/euthanasia), but it should also not be regarded as something to demand at all costs (using fertility treatments to conceive).
Now I can't imagine the pain of realizing you are unable to conceive. God only knows how badly I want to be a mother, but who knows, maybe Chris and I won't be able to. As painful as that might be, I trust in what the Lord has planned.
Anyway, I hope all of this hasn't come across as extremely harsh or judgmental. Like I said, I'm not condemning anyone. I just have an opinion and am humble enough to admit that it could be wrong. I just wanted to respond because it's something I think about a lot. Thanks for listening!
Ania! Thank you so much for your comments. I admire you so much for your honesty and for your putting yourself out there as well. I agree whole-heartedly with what you say here and I've written papers on this in high school and college. I am not, however, familiar with all the medical implications of birth control, so hearing this from a nurse was very interesting to me. I have always come from the moral Christian/Catholic standpoint which I know you and I share.
ReplyDeleteI recently came to the fuller realization that children are gifts when Tom and I were trying from the moment we got married to conceive our first baby. We were of course following NFP and had studied it before marriage, so we were using it to conceive. I had this idea in my mind that since we wanted a child so badly and we were using NFP to conceive we would be able to conceive on demand and right away. We did not have to wait long to conceive, however it took longer than I expected and in this time the Lord had a lot to tell me about his will and how just wanting a child did not make it our RIGHT. Life is first and foremost his blessing and his gift. I was humbled by the thoughts of the fragility of fertility. I also reflected a lot upon the possibilities of not being able to conceive, and during this time, I felt called to pray for those who are confronted with this issue and who try for years and years. I also felt compelled to pray for those who do not welcome life and find themselves pregnant. It really was an awakening for me (although it may seem silly because we conceived only 3 short months after our marriage). Again, I thank you so much for your insight into this issue. I feel very strongly about it too, and I read your blog and was also infuriated at what happened to you at your GYN. I would have felt the same way. I will continue to pray for you and Chris as you wait on the Lord and his plan for extending your family :) You guys are great!
wow, ania and natalie i feel like your mind readers! i can't agree more with many of the issues you bring up!!!
ReplyDeletefirst, ania what you said about fertility treatments is dead on. people want to put childbearing off for as long as possible in our culture for a lot of selfish reasons: for their career, to attain material possessions or just to enjoy themselves. they view children as a burden rather than a blessing. the problem is our bodies were created to have children in our younger years and i think God had a reason for this. we have so much more energy in our 20's and early 30's and kids take a lot of energy. as we get older our health becomes more fragile, etc. then couples resort to fertility treatments (many of which are unethical/unmoral) and put the children they conceive into risk. i don't judge anyone like you said (not being able to bear children is a great suffering), but i really wonder when i see these high-risk pregnancy shows on TV, is it right for these parents to put these babies under such physical stress to keep them alive? they endure more complications/interventions the 1st weeks of life than people do in a lifetime. God didn't plan for things to be this way.
natalie- i've thought a lot about possessions since we moved. we have been extremely blessed and i NEVER want to take that for granted. even the poorest Americans are so much more blessed than those in other countries. chris and i have been thinking a lot about this and decided this year to sponsor a child from Brazil. we received some info about the child's family and they live off of less than $300 a month! i also resolved this new year to limit the time i spend on electronics, especially the computer. i'm only going to signing on two times a day (when the kids are napping or in bed). as great as the computer is spending time with family is more important. limiting my time online too i found has taken stress off of me. gotta run, but thanks again for sharing everything!
Natalie,
ReplyDeleteIt's great that you are looking at life this way - very few Americans do. Just because a technology is out there doesn't mean you have to but into it. Unfortunately, it becomes a balancing act. If we want to communicate we need a phone and a computer. Many people in the business world, by virtue of their job demands, need to have laptop, etc. I do think many people might have been happier before all these technological gadgets. Imagine there was a time not too long ago where a business person on a flight could read, catch up on journals, even take a nap, but today people are expected to be working all the time. The only solution is, as much as possible, to put down reasonable personal boundaries on your time.
As a parent you will see how complex this can become in the area of "stuff" your child needs/wants. My mantra has always been: there are some kids who have more than you and a whole lot who have less. The best thing any child can receive from Mom and Dad is TIME! Better to have less toys, games, etc. and actually spend time together playing with them.
And, of course, we all tend to accumulate too much personal stuff. It only has to be cleaned, organized, etc. I have admitted to myself - and my husband- that I really do enjoy buying new clothes just because its a change, not because I really need them. But, I also have tried really hard with myself and my girls to make regularily scheduled closet cleaning days so we can donate some of the older, still good, things to a place where they will help someone else. One thing in, one thing out! Same goes for other "stuff" - cleaning out and donating periodically keeps the place more manageable. and also helps someone else.
Don't worry too much, there are times we all want to run away to a convent, or Bermuda...The time after Christmas always used to overwhelm me because we had generous relatives and our kids just got too many gifts - I didn't know where to go with it after a while. Asking them to help go through old toys is a good lesson. They are often ready to admit that some of the stuff they never liked and don't play with. If they know it is going to some other child who has less, it is a chance to teach eompassion. However, I never forced them to give away things they were really attached to. If friendly coercion didn't work, I usually relented and up in the attic the stuff went. Cheryl knows that someday when she is settled on her own there are 5 garbage bags of stuffed animals in the attic that she couldn't part with and a whole box of Barbie dolls that she can split with her sister. Maybe they will have girls who can enjoy!
Keep up the good work.
Love,
Diane